You all know you've been in dire driving situations, like road rage, accidents, near death experiences, and such. Being that I'm a humongous prick that has no respect whatsoever for anyone on the road unless they drive fast and arent in my way, I think it's safe to say I've had more issues with this than most people, and I've only been driving for about 3 years. Close calls of mine include trying to run someone off the road while lost in New Jersey, I spun out, stalled, and had to restart the car facing oncoming traffic. It was pretty embarrassing.

An Italian man who spoke very poor English (the only word he could say properly was "fuck") once tried to get out of his car and fight me at a red light because I beeped at him for going too goddamn slow. I showed him a hammer and he got back in his car and stopped speaking.

I onced held down the horn for 5 minutes straight while stuck behind some dumb bitch in a minivan who shoulda used rubbers the last 25 times she had sex. She gave me the finger and yelled, but her window was up. What a fuckin idiot.

I hit this Spanish guy after a Jaguar 2 cars up decided to stop short at a yellow light during New York summer rush hour on a Friday afternoon. He was real nice and wasnt even pissed. He did have the strange request of wanting to see where I lived. It didn't make any sense to me really.

Another time, I was driving my boy's car on the highway, I sneezed and hit the wheel, the car swerved, and I hit a federal agent in a minivan. The guy got all pissed off and tried to sue me for 10 million dollars. He got laughed at.

Approaching a toll booth, some Russian dude driving with his girl in her car realizes he's driving into the EZ Pass lane and has to cut across 6 lanes of traffic to make it to the cash side, cuts me off, and I perforated his bumper with the steel bar on the front of my truck. The tollbooth cops thought the dude was a fucking idiot and told me don't worry about it, just leave. His girl was PISSED.

Last but not least, on my way to traffic court during rush hour in New York, it began to rain, and some cocksucker in an Expedition on the other side of the road decides he's gonna make a left, and then STOP in the middle of the oncoming traffic lane right as I'm approaching. I swerve out of his way while flipping him off, and then quickly swerve out of the way of another car, and then, to my dismay, some tool in a little Mazda was making a left. I slammed on the brakes, but the road was at its most slippery point, the stop time was slowed down quite a bit, and I absolutely destroyed his pathetic little car, the trunk caved in like a Guantanamo torture victim, and somehow he hurt his leg. His wife was a total bitch about the whole thing but the dude understood what happened. He coulda wifed better anyway, she was a fuckin dog.