Is Hip Hop
Dead? Yeah it is. That doesn't mean we'll stop doing
it. We are some stubborn motherfuckers. But here are the
reasons why Hip Hop is dead.
The Emcees:
--Too many
emcees began believing the lies they tell about themselves. That
includes the Gangster lie, and the Holy Philosopher lie, the
Mathematics lie, the Wealth lie, the Sexual Prowess lie. The
Gangster lie killed Tupac and Biggie. The Holy lie killed PRT and
KRS-One. The Mathematics lie killed all the 5% Rappers. The
Wealth lie killed evey gold chain rapper. The Sexual Prowess lie
killed Easy E and X-Clan.
--Too many
emcees flaked out. They didn't spend their money on independent
labels and distribution. They didn't invest in their own
businesses. Now they are ass out.
--Too many
emcees went into radio format. Radio hip hop sucks. There
is no excuse for it. It is not popular, it is not "for the
radio." It is just shitty music.
--Too many
emcees got trapped in their own bullshit. They think talking shit
to another emcee means eventually one will have to kill the
other. There are no emcees left who we would miss if they got
killed. Now it it two worthless assholes gearing up to murder
each other. Good riddance.
--Too many
emcees decided that they would begin sucking dick. Now that's all
they do.
--Too many
emcees fucked up their taxes. Now they don't own anything.
--Too many
emcees built a Great Wall of China around their style. They
couldn't catch up to the new styles, and ran out of breath. They
blamed new emcees for coming up. They drowned in their own
audience.
--Too many
emcees woke up from the crackpot shit they used to believe and say on
mic. Then they didn't know what to say after that. Their
brains died from exposure.
--Too many
emcees blamed the industry.
--Too many
emcees went to jail for the best part of their careers on some stupid
shit.
The Fans:
--The fans
believed and began to emulate the emcees. They became stupider,
more high, more worthless. They lost their memory but got
bigger mouths. They started writing raps. Eventually emcees
became unnecessary.
--Too many
fans stopped paying money for albums, preferring to bum bootlegs. No
rap album was worth $18.99.
--Too many
fans started listening to rap radio. They became satisfied with
imitations. They lost their mental taste buds.
--The fans
began accepting weaves, fake jewelry, and fake lifestyles as real hip
hop. They bought rap suits at rap stores. Rap began to
inform itself as a closed circuit. It starved to death.
The Beatmakers/DJs:
--The
Beatmakers forget how to use vinyl. They are assimilated by the
Korg collective.
--The
Beatmakers stop building routines, choosing instead to strip out vocals
by current emcees so that other emcees can Karaoke over a beat.
Especially Mix Tape DJs.
--The
Beatmakers get so high they forget to finish any beats.
--The
Beatmakers become interns at short-lived studios. They die with
the studios.
--The
Beatmakers fear the new technology. They become obsolete with the
ASR-10.
--The
Beatmakers forget how to make loud analog beats. The digital
beats lose depth. All albums get normalized at the end instead of
the beginning. All new emcees sound like Zod's henchmen
trapped in a piece of Krypton glass. Hip Hop is Sonic Finalized
to death.
The Bombers:
--The
Bombers go insane from xylene. They piss their pants and get the
shakes.
--Taggers
and scratchers fill the gap left by aging Bombers. Bombing moves
overseas.
--Taggers
fail to develop a commercial system. Graffitti remains a cave art.
--Dawn of
pussy writers. Taggers named 'Toy1'. College writers.
Dabblers.
--Without a
unifying principle, Crews dissipate.
The Breakers:
--Too many
self-believed breakers doing the old soft shoe.
--Too many
Pepsi breakers.
--No sound
battles, no breaking.
--Hip Hop
listeners buy into Thug Life, get sick of dancing. Cheating women
with herpes at nightclubs claim to hate dancers, love hustlers and
soldiers.
--Hip Hop
becomes an unbreakable, undanceable, neck music.
--Hip Hop
becomes an unlistenable music. Hip Hop without breaks.
--Breaking
dives back underground.
The Clubs:
--The venues
always banned hip hop fans from going to hip hop shows dressed in hip
hop clothing. The result was that the "rap show" became a fashion
show.
--The rap
show as the fashion show became the imminent domain of fag hags and
beautiful people. It died a disco death. It
grammyfied. Only big fags win Grammys.
The Magazines:
--Source
turned into Vibe. Magazines began to cover artists nobody gave a
fuck about.
--Proliferation
of rap magazines, none worth reading. Failure to develop an
intelligent readership.
--Silent and
worthless magazine partners exterted sudden and incompetent control of
magazines, thereby killing them.
--Content of
magazines destroyed to appease retailers and advertisers.
--Loss of
magazine staff through general disgust.
--Emcee
Never Was battles Emcee Wanksta using a magazine. Rap fans die of
boredom.
--Magazine
claims to "Save Hip Hop" from "technology" and the menace of "Emcee
Whitey" (all three of them.)
